apparitions of Her
God, I miss her.
my one unrequited love
her. over and over again
bits and pieces
in people i see
in people i meet
i know she doesn't love me in the same way i once loved her
and she lives rent free in my braincase
it's bad that i keep thinking of her
she brought me so much joy, even if it was
just a few short weeks
and in my darkest hours
i wondered how she was doing
and it hurts all the more seeing her
knowing full well she's taken
apparitions of her
in everyone i fall in love with
fragments of the one person who
hasn't hurt me. but that's a rose-tinted lie
of course, i forgive. I always do;
to the point where i won't even hold anyone accountable
accountability that i don't deserve
a 3-year long hole in my heart
and incidentally the subject of so much poetry
she gave me my hope pills
though the supply is slowly dwindling
with little chance of refill unless
i can get my life together
i need to let go
but i cling to her shadow tighter and tighter
with every wound and fault inflicted by myself
an afterimage that can't hurt me
in another life, we could've been together
but i was the wrong person, at the wrong time
how can we stay as friends
if i can't let go
glimpses of long hair and steel framed glasses
every cigarette lit and smoked
reminds me of our incredibly short time together.
and in the aftermath of the last relationship i blew up
in the wrappings of star-spangled razor blades
and liters upon liters of vomit
she lingers, reaching out through the darkness
I really do wish the best for her. its the least i can do.