breakup
it just didn't work
mutual of course, we both realized
that it couldn't work
and neither of us wanted
to pull the trigger
i pulled it first.
i had to.
mind-melting agony
writhing from a stream
of feelings vivid enough
to leave me in tears
and i realized that
after what i just went through
that the love was gone.
and i didn't want to hurt him
and he didn't want to hurt me
while i was so busy
with my final semester
but i broke first
and broke it off
of course it hurts
because even though we
were gonna stay as friends
the uncertainty of a future
without someone by my side
i don't know
whether i like men or women
or others, queer or not
and i'm so torn over it
especially when i feel so constrained
by a long-distance relationship
chained down to someone
that i can't even be close to
and we didn't really talk
like couples did
the fear and trepidation
of losing a good friend
over my own inability to
love them.
it hurts still.
perhaps there's something
deeply wrong with me
but maybe it's just a part of
life; a life of living rather
than just going through the motions
of survival. and maybe there is something
wrong with me
im so far from grace
and such a terrible person
and it hurts knowing i've left behind
a growing string of regrets.