cigarette in the rain
i figured it'd only be a
matter of time
before i would indulge
in a cigarette
so i waited until my last
day of classes
in the cold winter rains
of tidewater virginia
to light up a cigarette
out in my backyard
melodramatic perhaps
but i did it alone
showing no-one
because there was no-one
to see, not even a
surveillance camera
but it wasn't real
i smoked it like a cigar
tasting the ashy, mild
sting of tobacco smoke
not quite like nicotine delivered
in a pouch or as gum
but more visceral,
earthier and grounded
unlike my motives
unknown to even myself
a compulsion or temptation
and to think i'd do it for
clout outside my science building
pretending i was an old professor
with not a care in the world
or perhaps a vain display of youth
before the cigarettes claim it
like cutting of sorts
romanticized perhaps
but with aching consequences
but i half-assed it
since i knew better than to
drag myself into another
addiction
and i chose to
contemplate a cigarette
out in my backyard
in the cold, virginia rain