first autumn
the stars have changed again
my favorite star has set for good
the nights grow long and cold once more
and in the night sky, fair maidens reign once more
before being chased away by the hunter
the milky way is moving beyond my reach
out in an appalachian valley
thre is no low-horizon like the tidewater
to catch a glimpse of nebula in the
galactic core anymore
and in its place, the seven sisters
rising slowly, and visible all the same
not just to an unaided eye
but to tubes beyond anything our ancestors
could come to understand
still andromeda, an eggy smudge
visible for the first time
for i am truly alone, in the dark
away from the lights of man
with only the stars as company
cassieopia reigns supreme
and the cygnus hangs near the zenith
as they occupy the last interesting
areas of the milky way
with visible and prominent objects
so faint as to be invisible
to anything but the largest telescopes
or a well-thought out night vision setup
pale clouds of ionized hydrogen
shining in their balmer pink
rendered in a sea of green and teal
juxtaposed with a faint whine
and a soft static
like the old televisions of my youth
right before the mass-adoption of liquid crystal displays
but fall is not just the stars shifting
the appalachian haze descends
as the moisture-laden air
saturates to fill the valley with
a solemn loneliness
vision fades into muted grays
as the world shrinks beyond sight
clouds descending upon the road
and i find myself alone
going to class
punctuated by the silhouette
of a jogger, or dog-walker
early in the pale hours of morning
before the throng of students flood the sidewalks
and now i'm here again
four years later
shed a dead self years ago
a new life that nearly everyone
but i, can seem to acknowledge
a lived truth so different from beliefs once held
and im not a kid anymore
i haven't been a kid in quite some time
childhood becomes a faint, rose-tinted
memory, as i long for home
nothing really changes
not my parents
not my room
not my bed
not my computer
frozen in time
as i have moved on in my life
to become the woman my younger self
would have never even imagined
i become
and here i am once more
summer wounds heal
but the scars remain
ninety-five of them
stitched across my thighs
giving in but not giving up
drunk cigarettes aplenty
spirit golds and camel crushes
time well spent with my grad cohort
juxtaposed against the intense loneliness
every night before bed
living a life worth living for once
but first fall in the commonwealth
is not true fall
false fall as it's known
a brief respite from the opressive heat
but in this first autumn
a glimpse of comfort
moving past the agony of summer
far and away from the pit
into a bright, and crisp future