forgetting
the 27th is an anniversary of pain
it's been that way for 7 years now
but this night was different
it was melancholy
not from dysphoria or winter blues
but for reasons so asinine i
would never had dreamed seven
years ago would ever happen at all
because on the 27th of my senior year of high school
i didn't think i'd even make it to 19
and yet here i am
despondent
purely for reasons entirely of my
own doing
i simply just fucking
forgot.
to inject my hormones
somehow missed the routine notification
on my phone every two weeks
...
w h a t
how?
how did i forget
did the mundanity of my condition
leave me to forget the very thing
i would've died to get
just a few years prior?
but it's an entirely different
paradigm now
I don't even realize I needed to inject
since i am who i am no matter
what steroidal rings float in
my bloodstream
and i've accepted that there are some things
i can never change about myself
biochemical truth, immutable without lethal consequences
and the mood swings that I so often
encountered at the end of my cycle
as a reminder to re-up my dose
kinda never showed up
blurred in the monotony of life at home
kinda just going through the motions
piloting a body that isn't mine
under an obsolete name
emotionally lobotomized
minimizing stress and anger at the cost of everything
because that's what i did to survive
and so when the pain faded
there wasn't relief
but a lingering neuropathy
one that i would inevitably
forget.