hugboxx//gloveboxx
people are lying to me
everyone everywhere all the time
how i look, how i sound, how i am
no truths, comfort and padded deceit
and i will find myself alone and living a lie again
run away into the only thing that still loves me
a warm, sweaty embrace
of butyl rubber arms
sticking out into the world
open to a hug
love/hate relationships
a lot of people hate
what an ugly world we live in
and i suppose it's good to be padded from the hate
but i need honesty
does it matter though?
it's safe inside, nothing can hurt you
in the confines of inertness
clear, level, absolute focus
losing grip on things
it could be real
maybe they are telling me the truth
but at the same time
how can i trust my own instrumentation
when im so deluded to think it's all error
small movements cause sub-milligram fluctuations
that i can see
that i can feel
that i...
no matter, we move on
at some point i need to improve
because if i don't.
then what's the point of trying
its so easy to fuck it all up
over and over and over again
lose everything i have by opening the door wrong
let air in, and everything
will inevitably burn
or at the very least
tarnish beyond usability
so needy, and so clueless
there's so much going wrong
it's all falling apart, dead short
forgetting simple things
and at the same time
safe and sound
inert atmosphere
a warmth, in the form of a hug
embracing glass and steel
so i don't need to feel
i can't run from my problems forever
all i can do is just stay around
one more day
one more hour
one more procedure
it's never perfect, a compromise
between access and safety
if i open my heart and open the box
things will go wrong
unless i carefully do it right
its so easy to break someone's trust
and so hard to build it back up again
improper purge allows air in
the numbers climb, and the alarm indicates
but never sounds, a silent deception
things are going wrong so fast and i didn't even know
it's not decepton. i just fucked up
and a mistake that lasts a mere instance
takes hours upon hours to clear
if not longer
freaking out again
over fucking up so early
but i only learn from my mistakes!
and without mistakes
and without hurt
i never learn to begin with.
long tongs keep me safe
keeping danger at a distance
reaching out to grab
but never to hold
i can always drop the bottle when using tongs
and if i do. it will be okay.
i just need to clean it up
accidents always happen
but i am capable of so much harm
it's just a matter of practice
and bettering myself
so it never happens again.
I will master the glovebox
and i will master myself
there is no other option but take a breather and keep going.