husk
mentally dessicated
a person that isn't me
slowly rotting away
layers of apathy piled on
i forgot how much i hated it here
every
single
time
i'm home for winter
its numbing and not
in a particularly good way
either
getting nostalgia for
rotting away and folding
into a knot of perpetual
withering agony
the emotional blunting was
just the first stage
in the winter blues
that spiraled last spring
and it happens every year
this can't possibly be good for me
but i return over and over
again, lobotomizing myself each year
i don't know if its the isolation
the never-ending charades
or some other mental games
played out to exhaustion
it's why i forgot
two weeks ago
because the wounds aren't healing
when they're rubbed raw every year
feeling like roadkill
too exhausted to care
yet too apathetic to move
and compounded by
the impending doom
that many feel in their
final year of college
i grew up, sure
but with every passing year
i wonder why i never cherished what i had
so it slips away
and i'm back home again for longer and longer
degrading into a husk of who i wanted to be