light at the end of the tunnel
i've broken myself
over and over and over
and over again
a continuous, catastrophic
nervous breakdown.
dying to live yet
living to die
slow-motion wildfire
burning down everything
straight into ashes
all that remains is a
forgetful, smouldering
ruin. completely
cooked so hard
that the kitchen
burned down to charred
remains.
everything is unravelling
one energy drink and
one cigarette at a time
lethal overdose
purely on accident
the analytes
smell so good
yet kill all the same
carcinogens one way
acute poison the other
nothing is safe
stealing everything from
a hopeful future
when i can't even see
through the acrid haze
ethyl acetate feels like a hangover
hexanes are a blissful neurotoxin
naphthalene will turn your blood to goo
naphthol stinks like shit and kills you quick
benzonitrile feels like benzaldehyde with a grudge
nitrotoluene is an almond cookie nightmare
caffiene in cans so small you're over the limit
and of course, the nicotine delivery is the king of carcinogens
toxic: call poison control center if ingested
if it doesn't kill you now it sure as shit will get you later
nothing but hazmat all the way down
mind-numbing work with catastrophic consequences
the irony is i want to live
and i can't because my research is killing me
slowly and fastly all the same
temper my expectations of a bright future
transition from depression to
anger to utter exhaustion straight
off the fucking deep end into mania
I need to rest but I just dont...
cant...
wont...
and they say that if you don't rest that
you will be forced to
but one can cheat death
slip out of it's grasp
crawling, barely conscious
towards the only thing that matters
the light at the end of the tunnel
thesis submission
triumph of will and pharmaceuticals
over the tyranny of agony and exhaustion
no more long quiet
so close yet so far away
>we're gonna make it bros
so help me God.