night vision can't mend a broken heart
my night vision goggles
brought me so much joy
i'd spend my time in the darkness
just to see so much more
a window of hope
brought
not brings
because no matter how
much fun i can have
using my NODs
my expensive hat collection
can't stop the tears
absolutely inconsolable
riding home with my flight goggles
the surroundings so beautiful
and yet i was crying so hard i
couldn't even see
i'm becoming apathetic again
over the things i love
but my image tubes care not
about my personal heartbreak
because no matter how hard
i try, i realized that
the joy can't replace
my need to be vulnerable
i weep again
at a mention of a name
hurts too much to move on
self-inflicted heartbreak
so much guilt over agony
the moon is out
things are off kilter
i was trying so hard to hold it
together for this week
and i was so productive
only to lose my fucking shit again
impact blem
center punch
straight to the heart
damaged again
picking at old wounds
scars re-opening
but it's a different kind
of pain
pleasure fading
into a stubborn abstinence
touch starved to the point of
insanity
i don't even care
to go out of my way
he's so far away
and she's not for me
all i have left
is the whine of two tubes
a hum indistinguishable from tinnitus
scarred and broken
the tubes may be perfect
in a way that i never will be
so much i want but so much
i can never have
its deeply selfish
so much hate over what?
i can't forgive myself
for the mistakes i've made
so much to be excited over
and yet i can't stop crying again
sleepless nights
yet not joyous image intensification
deprived of life
and yearning for oblivion
no sedation now
its all coming apart
i had an energy drink
against better judgement
in anticipation of
...
something, i think
the Pinnacle™ awaits
i wanted to go stargazing
and it never happened
night vision can't mend a broken heart after all.