Stokes shift
the inevitable crunch is happening
insomnia both intentional and unintentional
gross negligence bordering on abuse
procrastinating on essential functions
desiccated to an atypical degree
i'm shedding weight in a terrifying manner
watching a slow-burn collapse of my life
but there's no time to waste!!
so i steal from my future
and i simply...
just \ b r e a k
that ' s it
i don't seek death anymore
i've moved on from that part
of my life
a life i fought so hard to save
but the void calls
and i yearn for a taste
the best times in my life now are spent
un conscious un thinking un
truly bliss isn't it
a void without even dreams
no worries no pain nothing but nothing and nothing
chemical sedation and emptyness
a forced break from reality
and i needed to snap it off
too many thoughts and too many stimulants
can't sleep anymore either
delerious // wandering the halls of
the chemistry building and thinking
yearning for unconsiousness so i don't need
to feel anymore
i don't want to feel numb i simply
don;t want to feel at all
i joke about haloperidol
i can't get haloperidol nor do i want to do
anything harder than what i've done
i can't afford another addiction
diphenhydramine
this cannot possibly go wrong
i make it home wired so poorly i'd fail
an electrical inspection //
a grad student friend told me that 2 put her to sleep
when the insomnia came
and a friend of mine relied on it as a sleep aid
surely it's safe
i don't want to see the hat man
so i took two and my progesterone since that helps
then i remembered my body mass was about double hers
so i took 2 more and proceeded
to tuck myself in after my bedtime ritual
listening to my organic spectroscopy lecture
where my wonderful professor started talking about
UV-Vis spectroscopy for the elucidation of organic
molecular structures as the weight dragged me deeper int
o unconsciousness
Jablonski diagram
what a wonderful note to black out over
s2 relaxation to s1 before fluorescensce
and there is a reason that the re-emission wavelength
is not the same as the initial absorption
and this is called
a
Stokes Shift
which happened to be the last thing i heard
right before i slipped
and fell straight
into the embrace of the void