Act X: The Longer Quiet
there really is a stillness
after it ends
it's so surreal
where one random friday
it just ends
after i submitted my last
take-home final exam, i
smoked my last cigarette
and tried to enjoy my last week
of college
working, and playing
and sleeping, and eating
having a good time
with all my friends
before it all ended
the goodbyes were just
that. quick, and abrupt
a tight hug, a "see ya later"
and then i was gone.
home again.
four years later.
so much has changed
yet so little
those four years...
felt so long to me
and i wept again
a deep melancholy
that i had not felt
since PChem
welling up inside
no friends
no noise
just a longer quiet
at home
with nothing to do
hating myself
yearning for intoxication
lobotomize myself
so i don't have to feel
anymore
so tired but i can't rest
im glad i made it
but i wish i could stay
just a bit longer
than i did
i was free at college
who comes here, belongs here
and i don't belong at home
memories swirling
and i was just so out of it
locked up again
like i was before
not knowing where i'd go
beyond vague promises
and i can't see the future
softly weeping as i write this poem