LUST//LOVE

07/06/2026

Content warning: descriptions of arousal, sex, and sex acts

This is the explicit, full rendition of the poem.
Sanitized version HERE

it sneaks up on you
before you realize it
too many hope pills
spiraling into a new oblivion

it started with her
crying nonstop
heartache not of my own
voltition

and by the time i got over her
something in me, that i've maintained
for so many years
just up and broke

with it, me as well
blown about in the
winds and currents
of an endless yearning

break my body
and break my soul
the fire will burn you out
and leave you cold

so i weep
a candle tipped over, not extinguished
setting the love letters
ablaze, into cinders

if i douse the flames
it doesn't matter
since it will leave me
soaked and wet

=

i can't help it
a different kind of arousal
perhaps a deep yearning?
for someone i can never have

sprouting in my chest
rolling down my spine
a warmth around my loins
and an uncontrollable spasm

with each pulse
a sharp gasp if im keeping it in
a moan let loose if im alone
or a quiet whimper, if its too much

fucking agony.
it's probably permanent
after several months
the feeling hasn't gone away

enjoy your new psychosexual schema
what if i don't want to?
so far from God
adrift in the wind

tumbling forever,
ephemeral
just like the love i feel
or is it lust?

its visceral
unlike anything i've
ever felt before
consuming me from the inside

=

words on a screen
are all i need
to go off the rails now
as debilitating as it is

imagining what someone
anyone
is gonna do to me
losing my fucking mind

but not without feeling
ecstasy like never before
leaking like a decrepit faucet
drip-fed euphoria

making a mess out of
myself
writhing around
someone PLEASE choke me

grab me tight and kiss me hard,
take control and leave me moaning,
break my body, hurt my soul
leave me empty, wanting more

i squirm in ecstasy without touching myself
let the flames consume me
leave me broken down
and breathing heavy

i...
kinda don't wanna stop
i know its bad for me
but why does it feel so good?

=

lips, locked together in warm embrace
people tell me im a good kisser
but the insides of the human mouth is such a curious place
as i explore with my tounge

hands, wrapped around my neck
blood choke
some do it better than others
as i fade out of reality in euphoric bliss

nails, sinking into my skin
feels like needles
soreness and all
and i can't help but squirm in pleasure

bruises, all over my body
left by friends and lovers
blue and purple and brown and yellow
every bite and kiss a mark on my flesh

eyes, rolling back into my skull
nothing but ecstasy as she slams me into the bed
i can feel her in me and it hurts but i don't care
im built to take a beating

no thoughts, head empty
the moaning cuts out suddenly
i break mentally and just
go nonverbal

lying down, completely vulnerable
ive made such a mess
im gonna need a minute
drink some water afterwards

=

the hard part is after coitus
after all, i think thats where someone shows
a true self, being completely vulnerable
with a clear mind

i lie and yap
as i gather my strength
to make it to the shower
clean off the mess

wash away the sins
of carnal pleasures and sodomy
beg for forgiveness
and thats when it hits you most

FUCK. I think i love [her/them/him]
vulnerable together
no hairdo or makeup makes it through
a view of a raw self, and a raw other

and as the steam dissapates
we partially dress
because we are done for the night
sometimes they leave, sometimes they stay

and if they stay
i find myself able to sleep well
something i so often struggle with
out cold

waking up to a beautiful apricity
lighting up their face
and when they're up
we lose control and start again

=

they will leave
as they always do
and my heart will ache
and it starts again

lust//love
over and over and over
and over
and...

the goodbyes hurt the most
digging myself deeper and deeper
insatiable
after the moans come tears

because it's the same damn thing
someone i can never be with
because we live so far apart
and my lease is up at the end of the month

and im moving across the state
and im starting grad school and ill be busy
and i've gotta clean up my room
and and and and and

the excuses are avoidant
i can't let myself catch feelings
but i still do
so i have to get over [her/them/him]

this is killing me
where is my forever?
who will [she/they/he] be?
and can [she/they/he] save me?